We Still Miss Her!
Memories play a very confusing role. They make you laugh when you remember the time you cried together, but make you cry when you remember the time you laughed together.
The above quote sounds familiar eh?
It is one of those nights where sleep tries to elude you! Now that I am kind of an insomniac, for the past couple of days, I am going through my neglected hard-disk. I am looking at the old handful school photographs, I happen to spend more than required time on a particular photograph. A photograph of 10 little kids, who had just finished their standard 10th examinations. Oh boy, what a day it was! We were at Saurabh's place. It was a graduation party. Saurabh's mother had left for some work, especially for us! We were home alone (er, not exactly, we were 10 kids with no elder supervision)! So sweet of her! We ate, sang songs and played something! I remember a particular joke - We had decided to sing a really hip song - Saurabh started a really slow emotional song. As soon as he did that, Mihir silently exclaims - Oh wow, it's a really hip ('dhingchack' was the exact word) song - and we all just started laughing! Man, we all have become fans of Mihir's one liner's from that moment!
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| The news |
Clueless, speechless, helpless we were. We wanted to talk with her parents - had an old number. Apparently she had shifted to a new apartment and none of us had her new number. We tried to trace the address from the address mentioned in the letters! Wow, we have had a wonderful letter talk for some time and we still have those letters and greeting cards! I tried to get her father's contact through my media friend, but no use. Her family had refrained from talking with anyone. The inability to contact her family, the speculations for finding the exact reason, the implausibility of the accident and the guilt of not being in contact were too overwhelming. A couple of days later, Shraddha informed that we have her father's number and we could contact him, and we did. But, we never came to know the reason. Nikita was also using her sources to find out the actual reason for it, and we still don't have concrete reasons to explain why she took her own life.
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| She was pretty smart you know! |
From what we know her, she was this simple dimpled girl who would always say to me - you speak so low Shweta, I need an aid to listen to you, try to speak a little louder! She used to sing pretty good (that Titanic song!), was beautiful, a wonderful writer, a confident girl with huge dreams! And yes, she used to get shit scared of the dog downstairs at my place! I remember, she came in 10th std itself. On the first day, we met, introduced ourselves, went for the assembly and just hit it off then and there! In no time, we shared everything and were like great friends. It was really very easy to make friends back then. No expectations, no competitions, no superiority and no selfishness.
It has been nearly four years now, gradually we all have moved on, but that pain and the memories still remains. Well, after that some of us lost some other friends too, I guess, it is how the life goes on. Meeting new friends, departing ways, dying, we have to accept it and get used to the fact. We just can't stop living.
With the inputs from Saurabh, Padmaja and Nikita, we wrote a combined poem for our Sonali and others sent in the verses. We just want her to be remembered. Somewhere, she will feel good that we still think of her! So many times, I feel like it never happened, wish that it is all false, and imagine that she will stand in front of me and say - 'gotcha'!
Well, this is what we wrote back in 2009 -
We don’t want you to be remembered as a girl, who committed
suicide,
We don’t want you to be remembered as the one who cut short
her life.
We want you to be remembered as a headstrong girl who did
everything alright.
We want you to be remembered as the one who enjoyed her life.
We don’t want you to be remembered as a coward, who ran away
from problems,
We want you to be remembered as the one who just felt short
of her determination.
We don’t want you to be remembered as a loser, because we
know, you weren't.
We want you to be remembered as a friend always there, in her
short life span that blossomed everyone’s life and felt her presence alive.
We want you to be remembered as that shy girl who showed her
intelligence in whatever she did.
We want you to be remembered as our friend, fearless and
brave, because taking one’s life also requires courage.
We don’t know why you took that extreme step, but understand
that it must be something big.
We are sorry that we were not there when you needed; it’s not
how friends are supposed to be.
Had you once called for us, we would have been there to help.
You chose us to share only joys and no sorrow; this is what
it pains and makes us helpless.
Once more you should have opened the doors and you would hear
that your heart would have gone on! N ON!
We want you to be remembered as the humble girl who openly
attributed her success to her friends.
We still remember her golden words “Taare kahi bhi ho
chamakte hi hai"
We wish you to become a bright star in the sky.
You may not be here today with us but long live our
friendship.
Bidding you a goodbye with a heavy heart and teary eyes.
Swapnil says,
I always looked upon her as the perfect girl. Nothing could distract
her from her goal. And from whatever little I know of her life, I can say that
she was a strong person, because she could make herself look happy even when
her mind would be in turmoil. I dunno why she did that but what I do know is
that we could have done a bit more; maybe we weren't there for her. All this
makes me feel very sad. We have lost a very good human being.
Sneha says,
I don’t hold you responsible, but I am ashamed of myself
being such friend that I couldn't even be with her. Just wanna tell other
friends not to short it such way. You don’t know what worth you people are. I
know Sonali was a brave girl and if she being so matured can take such a harsh
decision, it may happen with anyone of us. But just would say life not holds
only problems, but it also has many beautiful things which are not worth losing
even for the biggest problem. God sent us because he thought we are worth, so
FACE LIFE and LIVE IT!
Shraddha says,
She was a simple girl with high values, an achiever with feet firmly on ground, her brilliance used to inspire us all. Such strong girl and yet…yet she left us with thousands of questions in our minds. She is not here but her memories are still alive. Her calm composed persona is still etched in our heart. But the question remains…why?...why did she fall short of courage? Why did she succumb to the pressures of life? I am still not able to register the fact that she did a thing like this. Why do we keep it all bottled up inside? Let out your feelings, cry your heart out, don’t let your emotions bully you. Make a call, send a message, talk to someone and vent it out…because we cant afford to lose another dear friend. My heart cries for her. May her soul rest in peace.
I added,
Friends, life is the most wonderful gift that we have ever
got so accept it. I know that we come across many highs and lows in life just
like an adventure ride, just date it man! Come out of the small closet of
college, friends, family that we have built around us; take a wide look and you
will understand that life is much beyond than what we think. When you will see
sufferings of other people in life you will understand that our problems are
nothing in front of them. So just overcome all your sorrows and CHILL MAARO NA
YAAR! Every problem has a solution and try to fix it yourself. Share your
problems with parents and friends. Friends’ se baat karna nai jamta toh apni
Mamma hai Na! Because Mamma knows best. But just don’t keep mum. Don’t run away
from life. No problem can be worth of taking your own life. Life must go on!
And always remember that, there are “miles to go before we
sleep….”
ENFOLD LIFE! PLAY LIFE! PRAISE LIFE! COMPLETE LIFE!
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