I Cry Silently!

December 7, 2012, Mumbai

Cannot get out these lyrics out of my head! Okay why am I listening to such sad lyrics when I am actually happy and elated! But then it’s how I work. Doing the opposite often keeps me neutral.

Now you must be wondering and getting confused about actually I want to say. Why the lyrics and cry part? To cut a long story short (yep I love the Jeffrey Archer novels!) my visa got approved in the morning. One of my ‘suddenly’ cherished dreams came true. Like a normal person after waking up at 5 am, spending the complete day waiting in long queue, changing the numerous locals, going up and down the 16th floor, roaming half of Prabhadevi and Goregaon on foot I should be asleep by now, but still here I am at 12 am writing some silly stuff which is not at all lucid! Ha-ha  But then it’s like a coded verse, few people read between my lines. (Oh, Prison Break fever is back again!) Too much of introduction I guess. Now hitting directly on the topic!

As I have mentioned earlier, I received my visa today. It was indeed a tough luck especially when many chances were against it. So obviously a hell lot of tension at the back of mind. And the deadly place called Mumbai. My last visit here was totally disappointing. Firstly I was here just for a little time and the feeling of betrayal from the city with which I will always be in love with. Yep I am a Mumbai lover! So was very apprehensive. But on a second thought I concluded that I did not give full justice to her. Should have stayed long. So this time decided to stay longer. For me, for her, for my sea and for my bappa! An honest promise.

So knew that Mumbai would not disappoint me this time. And she did not! Wait a sec where has the crying reference disappeared?! Lol!

After opening about huge 6 doors at the US consulate eyes searched for my dad. Knew he would be standing somewhere looking out for me! And there he was! Gave thumbs up sign to him and walked the long awkward happy shaky walk towards Mom and Dad. And what I see. Two little tears in Dad's eyes. Always knew they would be there but in my eyes too! Whenever I saw myself reacting after getting the visa during the confidence boost up session I knew they would be there as I always end up crying while watching any emotional scene whether in a serial, novel or movie! And how can I forget those you cry I cry contagious moments!

So this incidence got me thinking (which doesn't). Why I actually don’t cry when I think I would. It has happened at the death of my friend or grandparents! Maybe I am much stronger or maybe I was looking after someone. How why never understood. Crying your heart out is the best medicine for grief they say, but then how and why do I end up not doing it? Oh yeah but I do end up with my as my brother calls it the ‘gayab’ (disappeared) days! This is so bad right? Confronting, talking, grieving or at the time bashing would end the line of terror! But no, I chose to be silent!

Then there have been moments totally disgusting! I am standing there listening (religiously follow walk when you talk) others talking total crap. I fully know that they are boasting and the talk doesn't make any sense let alone the content! I wonder they are fooling whom exactly, me or themselves? Well I know it exactly. But still I cry silently!

How can I forget the agony aunts who always cry! I mean what the heck, they get to cry and I cannot! Not fair at all. They get to do all this interesting stuff of bitching about others. Sigh. Poor me. I should say oh please gimme a break but then as usual silently I cry!

And then now suddenly I have to say my goodbye to these little brilliant entertainers. So many of them, at so many places; but so less of the days! Definitely won't leave without not saying goodbye but then maybe some have to understand that it was not feasible not for the above know reasons obviously! Always imagined these send offs would be high on drama totally inspired by these box office flicks, but then I fully know this wont be the reality as I totally know, I cry silently!

# What a weird write up! Some of the things are little too exaggerated.