Her Ambiguities!


(Read Part 1 here!)

(Read Part 2 here!)

-III-

Jane had Maya on her phone's speed dial for a while now. Be it discussing the recently read book, any random article, songs, videos or just a small walk, Maya was that one person she loved to talk to. Vividly she remembered her as a reticent self, too shy to talk with. Their's was always a polite and brief conversation, but somehow, Maya's words always made an impression on Jane and she knew, the friendship would last long. Soon she realized, once Maya is in her comfort zone, she could express herself like no-one else. Then it was Jane who would sit and listen all along!

Recently, she noticed, Maya was not herself. It felt like something was troubling her and she had no resources to deal with it. Yes, she seemed pretty lost. Unaware of the surroundings, no technical know-how, it felt as if she was just another being wandering according to the people's set of rules.

After, a much needed long walk, Maya opened up!

"Ok, so let me get this straight.

I am in love - most probably, all over again.

I know no exact definition of love. Is it an added gradient to attraction or something else; I am not truly aware of.

If I remember his favorites (music tastes, eateries, movies or habits), does it mean that I really like him? If I want to share every other thing that I read or feel to tell him or discuss with him, does it still is an attraction? I remember almost every other dialogue we shared, maybe because they were so few! But then, whatever, how many they were, they were just simple, straight to the point."

"Then, why don't you tell him?"

We don't meet, we live miles apart, Maya said!!

"We don't talk often! Yes, I am super shy around him. The never ending talkative person or the 'always finds topics for discussion' person I, how do I manage to be so silent when he is around; I am clueless.

He is gorgeous, one gentleman and loyal and even he is talkative! Only wish, he was in this town! Yes, even he reads a lot, good with arguing and making a statement, dressing sense - good! And caring as well. Even he is so particular about cleanliness. Talking with him makes me excited, for a while, I wish anyone of us won't hang up, but then, when we do hang up, it's like - I get this super restless for weeks.

What is it, that is holding me back? Really nothing, mostly over-thinking. I am fearing what if he says no, just because we don't know each other that well. Or what if he likes someone else! I am not even sure about it.

Maybe, what happened in the past is holding me back.

Self - doubt I have.

I have this feeling - Pranav likes me as well!"

"I should confess! But, the 'what if' isn't letting me! And, what about Prabhakar?"

"It doesn't make any sense! What is the use of engaging yourself in so many emotions, when you know the way out, making yourself more miserable? Aren't you tired of thinking so much?"

 "I know right! I am tired. I long for peace, and, sleep with nothing to think!"
                             ***

 (Read Part 4 here!)

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